


Don't Go Away

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Drama, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-02-05
Updated: 2002-02-05
Packaged: 2019-05-15 20:19:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14797322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: Donna turns in her resignation





	Don't Go Away

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

Don't Go Away 

by Grasshopper Girl 

Rated PG-13 for language 

Spoilers: minor ones for The Portland Trip

This one is for everyone who sends me feedback on my stories. You guys rock :) And, as always, for Cat, who stayed up entirely too late reading this.

 

\--------------------------  
Cold and frosty morning  
There's not a lot to say  
About the things caught in my mind  
\--------------------------

They really should pass a law that it can't drop below 40 degrees in Washington D.C., and that if it does, White House staffers shouldn't be required to come to work. Especially when they're highly distressed over personal matters. How can Leo or the President expect me to make any substantive contributions to policy when my life is crashing down around me?

I walk into the West Wing, and the first thing that greets me is the sight of her empty desk. No files, no coffee cups, no papers or books or pictures or office supplies or anything. Just a computer and an empty chair.

I'm an idiot. This is all my fault. I should know better by now -- I mean, after the cruel and degrading comments I made to her when she was going out with that Todd fellow, I should really have known better than to disparage her taste in men and her sense of self-worth again.

But since when did I know how to keep my mouth shut?

All I should've done was just, I dunno, taken her aside and told her very calmly that Rob Carlton is a notorious womanizing sexist pig [to put it mildly] and that I thought he would hurt her if she went out with him. All I had to do was be the kind, concerned friend, and maybe she would've listened to me... and she wouldn't think I'm a jerk.

But since when have I ever done what I should?

I gave her a loud, snarky, sarcastic lecture on her bad taste in men and how I was surprised she hadn't gone out with this guy before, since her local gomers had just gotten worse and worse and worse ever since we got to Washington. I think I made some smart remarks about Dr. Free Ride too.

And now she's gone.

She turned in her resignation, and she's flying back to Madison today.

And I'm not doing anything to stop it.

I am such a loser. I work for the President of the United States, I should be able to do something!

But how can I? She won't listen to me, her roommate wouldn't talk to me, none of the other assistants in this entire wing would give me the time of day except for purely professional matters. Meanwhile, her last day was two weeks ago and this past week has been a living hell for me. I can't concentrate, I can't get anything done, I'm hostile and belligerent to everyone. CJ has given me the smackdown several times IN SENIOR STAFF, in front of everybody. She normally does that in the privacy of my office.

\---------------------------  
And as the day was dawning  
The plane flew away  
With all the things caught in my mind

I don't wanna be there when you're coming down  
I don't wanna be there when you hit the ground  
\--------------------------

I've got to snap out of this.

I can't.

She completes me. I'd be lost without her.

Donnatella Moss.

My Donna.

My Donnatella, who's about to get in an airplane right now, to go back home to her family and Dr. Free Ride and whoever else. Going back to her old life, to the way things used to be. She was so different when she first came to work with me... so jittery and so much more submissive than she is now, "I think you might find me useful" notwithstanding. She's changed so much... all for the better. And she's going to go back to her old life. I don't want that to happen. I don't want to see that strong, independent woman she has become disappear just because I stuck my foot in my mouth because I was jealous.

And concerned. I was genuinely concerned for her well being. But I was jealous. Why should a son of a bitch like that get to go out with her when I just have to be her boss?

Not that I'm not a son of a bitch, mind you.

I don't want Donna to go.

Of course, a substantive amount of this desire is pure selfishness on my part... I don't want her to leave me because she makes me so happy, even when she's frustrating me with some of her inane trivia.

But it's too late for me to do anything about that.

Wait.

I just saw the clock above the door. It's 45 minutes slower than my watch.

I check the other clocks in the vicinity.

Yes.

Thank you, God, for watches that run too fast.

I throw my coat on, grab my keys, and run out the door.

\--------------------------  
So dont go away, say what you say  
Say that you'll stay  
Forever and a day  
In the time of my life  
Cause I need more time,  
Yes I need more time just to make things right  
\--------------------------  


Thank God there's not a lot of traffic today.

Thank God the road to the airport isn't as congested as usual.

Thank God there's an empty parking space.

I jump out of my car and sprint across the parking lot and in the door, rushing as frantically as any human being has ever rushed from one end of the airport to the other, looking for any sign of Donna.

There she is.

She looks so sad.

She looks like she's lost her best friend.

I made her look like that.

I, Joshua Lyman, the man who professes a deep and undying love for this woman, made her look like that.

I am scum.

I pick up a newspaper and hold it in front of my face, attempting to position myself a little closer to her, see if I can read her eyes any better.

I am beyond scum.

She's crying.

She's crying, and she looks like she has been for a while.

There's a massive pile of wadded up kleenex in the ashtray next to her seat... must have been a long while.

I made Donnatella Moss cry.

Kill me now.

\---------------------  
Damn my situation and the games I have to play  
With all the things caught in my mind  
Damn my education I can't find the words to say  
With all the things caught in my mind  
\---------------------

There's an empty seat next to her. Go. Go, Lyman, what are you waiting for? Tell her. Say something. Anything.

You'd think that with all the verbal parrying and thrusting I do on a daily basis, and with my Harvard-and-Yale education, I'd be able to come up with something to say to her. I'd be able to express these feelings I have. I'd be able to apologize to her. I'd have been able to convince her not to resign three weeks ago.

You'd think, huh.

You'd think wrong.

That's me, King of Foot-in-Mouth Disease.

They're calling her flight. Dear God. I have to say something.

She's not moving.

It's not her flight.

I look around for a flight schedule. Madison, Madison, Madison...

The desk.

I ask the guy at the desk.

"That flight's delayed by about thirty minutes, sir."

I restrain myself from leaping over the desk and kissing the poor, unsuspecting fellow. It's now or never. I, the Deputy Chief of Staff of the United States of America, am about to become the Chief Executive of Groveling.

Hey, I'm not proud. Anything that will keep Donna off that plane and in my office will do.

Hell, I'll call in the Secret Service if I have to.

\--------------------------  
I don't wanna be there when you're, when you're coming down  
I don't wanna be there when you hit the ground

So dont go away, say what you say  
Say that you'll stay  
Forever and a day   
In the time of my life  
Cause I need more time,  
Yes I need more time just to make things right  
\-------------------------  


I'm doing it. I'm sitting down beside her. She's ignoring me.

"Donna..."

"You could've come up with a better disguise than a newspaper in front of your face, you know," she says, not looking at me. There's a quiver in her voice I haven't heard since I was in the hospital. I just want to wrap my arms around her and kiss her and tell her I'm an asshole and she can kill me right now if she wants to.

I settle for placing one hand on her arm.

"Please don't do this."

"Josh." The warning is offset by the way she's shaking. She's about to start crying again, at any second.

"Please. Don't go back there. You don't have to work for me, you don't have to come back to the White House, just don't go back there."

"Why not?"

"Donna, I know you too well. I know what you were like when you came to work for the campaign. You've changed so much since then, I don't want you to go back to the way you used to be."

"I thought I was still 'the way I used to be.'" Her voice is icy cold. She's doing her best to keep her composure. "I seem to remember your saying something about me dating Dr. Free Rides over and over and over again, hoping I'll get it right this time. And something about the definition of insanity being that you keep doing the same thing but expect a different result."

Somebody shoot me. I can't believe I actually said that.

\---------------------------  
Me and you, whats going on?  
All we seem to know is how to show  
The feelings that are wrong  
\---------------------------

"Donna, please let me explain."

"I think those remarks are pretty self-explanatory, Joshua."

The way she says Joshua is like a dagger to my heart. Our full first names have become terms of endearment for us over the years, but she practically spit it at me that time.

"Just let me explain WHY I said what I did."

She looks at me now, and I wish the floor would open up and swallow me. She doesn't say anything, just fixes me with this "This better be good" glare. I look away, opting to stare at the stitching on my gloves instead.

"Donna, I was scared. I'd heard all these stories about the way Rob treats women, and I thought he would hurt you if you went out with him. Out of all the 'local gomers' you've gone out with, he's the first one that's actually scared me."

"Why didn't you just tell me that, without the insults?"

Why indeed.

"Because... because I was afraid to come to you like that. Afraid that if I told you in that way, you wouldn't understand just how serious I was. And afraid to speak to you like that."

"Like a human being?"

"Like someone who cares about you very much."

Silence.

I'm almost tempted to look up at her, but I'm afraid to see what she's thinking.

"Just chalk it up to the tremendous lack of tact everyone seems to admire so much when I turn it on Congressmen and lobbyists, if you like, but the real reason is that I was scared of losing you but even more scared of letting you see how I feel about you."

I look up at her now. She's crying again. She doesn't look angry anymore, but she's crying again. Tears are... very not-good.

'Very not-good.' See what this woman does to my communication skills?

"Donna?"

"I think you've made it clear how you feel about me, Josh."

"Donna... No. No. I haven't."

I reach over and take her hand.

"Donnatella Moss, life without you is intolerable. Unimaginable. For the past two years I've been afraid to let you see how I feel about you because I was afraid you would leave me, or file charges against me, or that our relationship would be destroyed forever. So, in hiding my feelings, I overcompensated. I became a royal jackass. But now that I've gone and destroyed our relationship already, there's nothing left for me to lose."

\------------------------  
Don't go away, say what you say  
Say that you'll stay  
Forever and a day   
In the time of my life  
Cause I need more time,  
Yes I need more time just to make things right  
\------------------------  


She's wavering. She's definitely wavering. Time to kick this thing into high gear. I get out of my chair and kneel on the floor in front of her, still holding her hand.

"Donna, please. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. If you can find it in your heart to give me another chance, although God knows I DON'T deserve one, please don't get on that plane. I'll devote the rest of my life to making this right, if I have to."

She squeezes her eyes shut and looks away, and I have my answer.

I stand, letting go of her hand.

"Say... send my regards to your family."

I get the hell out of there as fast as I can. I don't want the skycaps to see me cry.

Outside, I walk over to the fence to watch the planes arrive and depart. I always used to like airports when I was a kid... airplanes fascinated me. Now I find myself running airline statistics through my head and praying that, if she has to go back to Madison, nothing happens to her en route.

I look at my watch.

That's it. Right there. That's the big hunk of metal that's going to take Donnatella Moss away from me.

Bastard.

I wonder if I can get the pilot fired. I'm the Deputy Chief of Staff, if I can't pull some strings with the FAA, what good am I?

They're boarding now.

God, I can't watch.

I watch anyway. I'm a hateful, hateful man and I deserve to be punished, so I'm going to watch. I can't see her from here, but I can see the door being shut and the plane beginning to turn around and taxi down the runway.

Can tears freeze to your cheeks in a 20-degree wind chill?

\------------------------  
So don't go away, say what you say  
Say that you'll stay  
Forever and a day   
In the time of my life  
Cause I need more time,  
Yes I need more time just to make things right  
\------------------------

I watch the plane lift off and wave as it soars towards its destination. "Take care of her," I whisper under my breath as I watch it out of sight and turn to walk back to my car.

I can't hear anything but the roar of the airplanes and the traffic that I just know is going to be a bitch on the way back to work. The parking lot is freezing cold, and the wind is picking up. I'm going to catch my death of pneumonia.

Serves me right.

I get in the car, start it, and sit there a minute, waiting for it to warm up. I sort through the CDs in the glove box, looking for something to suit the mood I'm in, but I don't have any dirges.

There's a tap on the window. Probably security. What'd I do? Did I leave my wallet in the airport or something? Or maybe it's a carjacker. The window is still frosted over... I take the end of my scarf and wipe it off.

My heart nearly stops.

It isn't.

It couldn't be.

It is.

Donna's standing there, still crying, shivering badly -- she's not dressed as warmly as I am -- and gesturing for me to roll the window down.

I do. It creaks. Stupid cold weather.

I can't even speak. I try to, but the words freeze on my tongue.

I manage to croak, "Donnatella Moss."

"Josh?"

I think I say "What?" but I'm not sure any sound came out. I'm too busy trying to remember to breathe.

"Josh, I couldn't do it. I couldn't go back to Madison, the way things were... I belong here. I belong here with you."

"I..." I think I'm dying.

"My roommate drove me here, can you give me a ride back to my apartment?"

Of course I can. I can give her anything her heart desires. I jump out of the car and wrap my arms around her in a bone-crushing hug. She buries her face in my neck. Her nose is freezing.

"Can you ever forgive me, Donna?" I whisper, my tears running down my face and dampening her hair.

"If you'll promise never to hide your feelings from me again."

"I don't think that's going to be a problem," I say, taking her cold little face in my hands and kissing her softly on the lips. Her hands are shaking as she places one on the back of my neck, pulling me closer almost roughly to deepen the kiss. I pull back, gazing into her eyes.

"My luggage is already on the plane," she says almost absently, looking at me with the strangest, softest expression. I know that expression, it's the same one I get when I look at her.

"We'll get it, eventually. But right now let's just go home."

She nods. I take the carry-on bag she set on the pavement and stow it in the trunk, then help her into the car, get in, and drive away. As we turn onto the highway, she reaches over and covers my hand with hers. I tear my eyes away from the road to look at her. She's smiling. Donnatella Moss is smiling, and all is right with the world.

\-------------------- 

So don't go away. 

\--------------------

Lyrics by Noel Gallagher.

  

The End 

  

  


End file.
